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 funny sms's

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JusTCl|k
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PostSubject: funny sms's   Sat May 19, 2007 5:23 pm

When the apple is green and ready to pluck. When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!

The 3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die

No Boys! No Boys, no Sex. No Sex, no Kids. No Kids, no School. No School, no problems! Why Boys??

After the party - mum, I am not drunk, I can lay on the flour without holding on

A girl phoned me the other day and said...Come on over, there is nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

I love you in the mornig, I love you in the evening, but most of all, I love you when you are leaving

No men, no love, No love, no sex, No sex, no childeren, No childeren, no school, No school, no homework, No homework, no problems!







NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie!

What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after five years!

If you want SEX take a boy and RELAX but don't forget DUREX!!!

If you think fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the money[color=#b4c5d8]


[color:60d3=lemonchiffon:60d3]]size=16]☻[/size]When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

If you have no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no legs: RUN......... If you have no hope: INVENT…

When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!

Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.

A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom

Kill one you're a murderer, kill 10 you're a serial murderer, kill them all, you're GOD.

The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I've seen so many faces, so I'll fuck you at different places.

Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!

Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.

To wake up in the morning and always see the sun no matter the weather, I'm glad the day has begun.
I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.

When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? .... When she starts with "My husband said..."

One chicken to an other: are you tokkin' to me?

Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? ...................... stupid of course, there are no others

What's the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.

When god created the men he was only kidding

Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? ................. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!

Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN

When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.

There are three girls in the sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ............ The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!

If I'd had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents !

How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*

Can I have your picture? ......... I save natural disasters

Of course... If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.

You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!

Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise

Bigamy..............What is the penalty for bigamy? ............... Two mothers-in-law !

What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ......first some screwing before use

Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.

Do you think I can live for another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ... No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years?

Dialogue between 2 undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead period?"

There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.

Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."

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JusTCl|k
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PostSubject: Add some sms's   Sat May 19, 2007 5:33 pm

SEX



SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u.




SEX ON TEXT



Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!




YOU ARE WANTED

The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?




TALKING DIRTY


When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.





LOVE AND SEX

Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!

SEX IS ...

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!




GIVE ME ALL YOUR $$$


MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U




NIGHT PRAYER


Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.




WHAT I NEED


I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you!





WRONG NUMBER


U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY




NO SEX !


There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !






PHONE ENGAGE

hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'



KENTUCKEY
A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in.

TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.

OLD MAN
There was an old man from gosham,
who got out his bollocks to wash'em,
His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back,
i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new)



ARSE ICONS


(_!_)
Regular arse

(__!__)
Fat arse

(!)
Tight arse

(_*_)
Sore arse

(_o_)
Well used arse

(_e=mc2_)
Smart arse

(_x_)
Kiss my arse
FAMILY
your father had your mother,
your mother had your brother,
it's just 2 bad your fathers mad and
your mothers now your lover



GUY PERIOD
If guys had they periods
They wouldcompare the size of their tampons!



DEMONSTRATION
Sex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to
increase the population for a younger generation do you get the
nformation...or do you need a demonstration



SEX IS EVIL
Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So stick it in.



VIRGIN
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.



GUYS
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.



cOOL GIRL
Im acool girl,
in acool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down



HOT SEX
There is Hot-sex,
Fast-sex, Group-sex,
Safe-sex, Leather-sex,
Telephone-sex,
and for people with your face ...
NO SEX !


WOMENS NEEDS
There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage,
mink in hercloset, tiger in her bed!
And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!!


SICK LEAVE
A guycall into work and says:
Boss Ican´tcome to work to day, I´m sick.
Boss asks: How sick are you?
The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that?


BRAND SEX
Sex is like nokia -connecting people
like Nike -just do it
Like Pepsi -ask for more
Like Samsung -everyone is invated
and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!


VALANTINE
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you?


F**KING MAFIA
Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia...
One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!


THE BUSH
When an apple is green it's ready to pluck
When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!


The Alpahbet
a-ur attractive
b-ur beautiful
c-urcaring
d-ur delicous
e-ur exciting
f-ur funny
g-ur gorgeous
h-ur heavenly
I-IM
J-JUST
K-KIDDING
L-LOSER!


[size=12]Luv is a sensation
Luv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?


Good Sex
Sex is good,
sex is fine,
doggy style or 69,
just for fun or getting paid,
everyone likes getting laid!


Equation
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply!


Sex Guide
Bak 2 bak,
front 2 front,
on d table,lick dcunt,
stick it in,
do ur ting,
do it hard & make her sing,
tense ur body feel dcum,
den let it rip into her bum!


Luv me tender
Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!


Life as a penis
5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b’hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!


Pregnant
Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!


Flying Fuck
Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!


Beat Me
Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!


£50 note tattood on yourcock
3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants


Bastard Rubber
D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!


Nice Arse
I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!


Cat & Rooster
cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!


Love poem
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!


Bonna
There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?


Cocktail
Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!


Triplets or Twins
I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!


How to satisfy a woman
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job

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